I spent the majority of my life making apologies for my body. No, I’m not saying that I went up to every person saying things like, “I’m sorry for my body.” What I mean is, I spent a lot of time thinking about how it needed to change. If I was 10 pounds lighter, 20 pounds lighter, 30 pounds, etc. If I could just tone my arms or have smaller boobs. When I would get close to a guy I would eventually draw away. There was an ever-aching fear that there’s no way they could find me attractive and if they did, they certainly wouldn’t want to be seen dating me.
These thoughts are something I’m not excited to be sharing with you. They’re ugly and I’m not proud to have ever felt that way. But, they’re real.
They’re a reality for most women.
I can remember my freshman year of college changing behind my closet door. I was so ashamed of my body that I couldn’t even change in front of my roommate.
Then, one day, I undressed before bed. I looked at myself in the mirror and thought, “I like the way I look.”
I like the way I look.
I love my skin, my freckles, my waist, thighs, butt, breasts, all of it.
In that moment I realized there is a standard set for what is ‘sexy.’
But, I didn’t have to subscribe to it.
If I look at myself and I like it. That’s all that matters. The confidence that followed that is something I can’t even describe.
Looking at my body for what it is, a vessel to live this amazing life in.
The arms that make it possible to play sports, the legs that let me dance, the hips that move when there’s a beat, and my waist which holds my sassy hands perfectly.
Well, that’s something to celebrate, not to apologize for.
Changing behind the door turned into running down the hall in my underwear.
I found a new freedom in myself.
Boudoir has allowed me the opportunity to share that freedom.
To show other women what it feels like to look at yourself and say, “well, that’s not so bad after all.”
with love and no apologies,