Today, I realized every story doesn’t have to have a happy ending. I was never much for fairy tales anyway. Rather preferring the grit and gutter of real life. The monotony and slow steady pain that may never find release. A realist I guess.
Even as a child I’d already seen too much to believe in love at first sight.
Although my heart has found familiarity in aching, like an old friend that’s show up again with nothing to offer except predictability. I’m not one to rest into being.
Earlier this week my love and I had a conversation about the line, “to be or not to be…” Agreeing that it’s referring to the choice of sitting by and allowing life to happen to you. Watching the good and the bad wash over you like the tides trickle over your toes on the beach.
Or, existing in such a way that you aren’t simple existing, rather, every action is intentional and you live your life working toward different goals for your existence.
I find myself somewhere in between these two extremes. Which, to be honest, between the extremes is often where I’d like to reside. (I think wisdom lives there.)
I’m by nature someone who seeks control of my life. I long to be better, happier, kinder and more generous in every way. Yet, I’m plagued by the understanding that any perception of control is ultimately an illusion. That life will run its course whether I stick to my healthy routines or not.
Pain will re-emerge and insecurities will surface. No need to feel embarrassed. Rather, ride the tide while it’s here and evaluate how to better handle it the next time.
Once, I watched a squirrel cross the street. I sat in the comfort of my front porch and watched as it started to run several times only to be interrupted by passing cars.
No amount of perseverance on the squirrels part could keep the cars from coming. No amount of resistance would stop them. His only hope was to practice patience, to give up on his task, or to find another way around. I think the same could be said for our lives. When obstacles arise, do we practice patience and do things the difficult way, do we find a new way to get to our goal, or do we walk away at the first sign of resistance?
Sometimes, it may mean a shift in perspective. Climbing a light pole to get to a power line that connects to a tree branch that leads you to where you want to go.
But, if life has taught me anything, it’s that patience and innovation are always leaps and bounds ahead of giving up or getting run over by a car.