I’m was on vacation last week. Well, it was more of a staycation really. I was home but, not technically working. I gave myself the week to wake up whenever I wanted to, to do whatever I wanted to and to explore or not explore whatever I would like. While there’s certainly no ‘right’ way to vacation, I did think to myself as I woke up this morning that I can’t remember a time that I took a full vacation without working in any capacity. From what I can remember, I’m guessing it was some time in college?
You see, when given the opportunity to wake up and ask myself what I want to do that day, it often involves waking up bright and early and some form of work. I want to write a blog, I want to fix that pop-up on my website, I want to explore the direction that I want to take my business. Working within a relaxed environment is a great sense of joy for me.
My current lifestyle has me fitting in things wherever I can. I work from 9-5 most days, sometimes 8-7, sometimes 9-6. A lot of those days involve back to back meetings and photoshoots where I squeeze in necessary computer time in the 15-minute increments between meetings or on weekend mornings. Some days are more solitary and computer productive than others but, everyday is full. I’m currently managing the running of a social media agency with a dear friend of mine (personacreative.com), my photography work, this beautiful and life giving blog, life consulting clients, and I’ve started writing a book. On occasion I take on amazing social media influencer work and every other week I’m helping the love of my life raise a 4-year old little boy who basically rains down love-glitter all over our whole existence.
All of that to say, working a bit during vacation still feels like vacation to me. In fact, I love this feeling of being able to work only on the things of my choosing and only in the way it feels good for the schedule I have for that day. I’ve always been a productive person trying to get as much done in a day as I can, finding ways to be busy. You guys, I used to make up homework when I didn’t have any. I recently read over my journal from when I was 9 YEARS OLD and it sounded a little something like this, “I’m very busy, I have cheerleading, mime troupe, AWANA, odyssey of the mind, and I’m starting a newspaper with my friend Jenna”
At some point in my life I learned that remaining busy, exploring every opportunity would fill a need. A way to avoid the matters of my heart? A way to not go home when my home life was in turmoil? A sense of worth and value? All of the above?
Today as I experience a more relaxed version of my life, a clear vision for my future and enough time to explore my motivations I’m finally able to see it all a bit more clearly.
More than anything in my life I crave new experiences. I value exploration of life and of my soul. I hunger for creativity and creation.
What if life could feel a little bit more like my vacation and vacation was actually vacation?
Up to this point, the variety and adventure that I crave in life, I’ve found in my work life. I’ve sought exploration in new fields and I’ve believed that life filled with work is the most honorable way to live. Last week as I sat on the porch of a coffee shop, writing to you, listening to the birds and knowing that there was nothing else scheduled for my day, I was able to finally see that my need for new experiences, my need for exploration, my desire to create, it can all be done on my own terms. Being self-employed can look differently. It can look pleasurable. I can speak from my heart and make a living at the same time.
I think a lot of us, we create a cramped life and we say to ourselves, “it won’t always be like this.” We use that phrase as our way to make it through the times filled with meetings and overwhelming ‘to-do’s. But, at some point for our words to ring true, we have to stop and evaluate what we really want it to be like and then make the appropriate changes. It’s time for me to create space in my life, to explore other interests, to live in a world with down time.