I’ve written before about the way I feel about the water.
The way that it tugs to me, how I run there when I need a little bit of time with my thoughts.
I’ve been there a lot lately. Tugging at my subconscious with the skills that I’ve learned to tame my conscious mind.
Now more than ever I’m aware of the beliefs that I hold deep within me, the ones that pull at me regardless of whether I want them to or not.
I had to learn early on in my life that I’m in control of my feelings.
That I don’t have to be sad if I choose to be happy. That I can turn my thoughts around to see the brighter side of things and that there’s nothing quite like filling yourself up with motivation and optimism.
If I would have allowed my circumstances to manipulate my feelings at the time, it would have been to my detriment.
As things in my life even out and I become more safe in my surroundings I’m noticing the subconscious beliefs rising up more than ever.
I’m sifting through those beliefs and doing my best to create new stories for myself.
It’s like draining the blood from my veins only to pump new blood back in there.
I know the new blood is healthier for me, but, it’s all very scary and exhausting and what if it I was wrong?
I’m not in the position to have time to just run away to the water and sit alone with my thoughts when they get a little carried away.
But, I can take some time, I can stay quiet and I can ruminate on new beliefs.
I can create tiny moments here and there of peace among the daily tasks and bustling existence.
I can find ways to be my own water.