A dear friend recently encouraged me to write some erotica.
It came in an e-mail reminding me that men have traditionally owned their own sexuality and dominated our sexual experiences. She sent a call out to some of us to write out our desires, to better know what we crave and in our way to own our sexuality for all womankind.
I wondered if my own sexual fantasies were too masculine. Too dominated by our patriarchal society.
After all, I did learn to have sex from men and male dominated industries. AT times I’ve treated sex as a kind of performance, presenting myself to my partner.
I guess this is why women need to be talking about this. Sharing what they find pleasurable and talking enough that their desires are impossible to silence.
There’s a shame in being a sexual woman, an understanding that we’re supposed to not talk about it and especially not in a public forum. Even myself who has shared my unclothed body and encouraged others to document their skin, I still find it awkward to write about.
I fear the opinions of others. Like admitting my affection for the female orgasm will somehow get me ejected from my family or that I’ll have people reading my words thinking, “she used to be such a nice girl.”
What I’ve learned over the years is that I’m not interested in being anything but honest with myself and others. To be sexual is honesty for me. To own my sensuality is my right and as someone who believes we all belong to one another, I believe it’s in some ways my obligation. If I can be a part of generations of women speaking their truth, requesting sex that is both clearly consensual and also deeply pleasurable then I’m going to do that.
Bonus points if they look at their naked bodies and like what they see so much that they demand sex with the lights on.