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On Self-Doubt & Partnership.

I took a hiatus from the blog for a few weeks while I traveled. Thanks for understanding the need for rest. This is probably the quietest my blog has ever been. I’m looking forward to continuing the Evolution Series & you may see some more things pop up as time goes on! Thanks for being here.

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I’m not a stranger to duality. How a person can be both kind and selfish. How we all share lightness and darkness to our beings neither of which detract or add to your worth, they simply are. I get questioned about my confidence a lot, complimented on the way I hold myself and how I seem to know my worth from a deep place. You know what, it’s true. I’ve put in years of work to believe in my worth, to truly understand my value. However, there are days where I feel meaningless, lack-luster. Lately, those have been more frequent.

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I feel old for the first time in my life. Maybe it’s that I just started birth control, maybe I haven’t done the best job of asking for what I need, or maybe it’s that I’m in the midst of an infinite amount of transitions.

But, it’s tiring to battle the inner voice that believes I’m incapable, unattractive, and overall just a bad person. But, I fight her every single day.

I’ve never been one to turn in and let the waves of self-doubt take me under. I find that boring and quite frankly, lazy. I will look everyday to find the voice that remembers what I bring to the table. The one that looks back at my adventures, my accomplishments and my creamy skin and says, “hell yeah girl, you do you.” Just like I would say to any other strong woman in my path.

There are beautiful, capable, fun-loving women everywhere I turn and my heart rejoices for them. There are times where I feel smaller in their presence, but that’s my little reminder to look inward.

Lately, I’ve searched my mind for my worth and nothing is left to encourage me. I’ve been focused on everything else. I’ve felt guilty for asking for what I need and expressing my hurt. When you are a care-giving personality, partnership can be difficult. It can be tricky to not give all of your attention, all of your nurturing outward leaving nothing for yourself.

Here’s to holding myself to daily self-care. Day after day after day. I have a loving partner, a great family and my community is rich and fulfilling.

But, at the end of this all, it’s just me and my inner voice. We better love each other.

 

Julie Wunder - May 17, 2016 - 11:32 am

Such a beautiful post. I think all women suffer from these feelings at times…. sometimes more than others. It’s finding that balance to move past them that is critical! You clearly excell at this. Congrats on your engagement!!!! 🙂

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