I’ve hit this strange place in my life where I no longer feel like the young cute girl at the party. My wisdom has show me too much and the painted on lines of make-up no longer offer me the same false protection that they once did.
The gazes of men mean less and offer me very little sustenance for my soul. Confidence is different here. It yells less, it sees through the falsities of a confidence built around being the loudest in the room. Instead, it whispers to me, a quiet knowing that worth is infinite and value isn’t subjective.
This sort of confidence isn’t without threat or doubt, I’m not sure any confidence is infallible in that way. Rather, it touches the fear and asks it why it’s there. It questions the threat and wonders how to work through those feelings at the root.
“Fake it until you make it” has served me over the years. Going to school in my brother’s hand me downs and pretending that I thought it was cool. That was a great way to avoid talking about the fact that I was poor and wanted to hide my body under clothing that draped me like a sack of potatoes. As temporary of a solution as that was, it played its part in my life and for that I’m grateful.
But, it was always temporary and it was always transparent. There’s something rich about digging your hands deep into the earth of your soul and planting genuine seeds of belief in what you have to offer the world. Rich delight in the beauty of everyone.
This confidence sees the beautiful. For some it takes time to align our focus to look at a stranger and see their beautiful parts first. For others, that may hurt your wounds of doubt. But, the more we do, the easier it is to see the beauty in our own nooks and crannies. When you look for beauty, you see it in both yourself and in others. The best part, is that we get to choose what we are looking for.