Sitting on the faithful wooden deck.
My last few moments in this house and it felt appropriate to spend them here with my pen and paper.
I’m going to miss this.
Listening to the waves crash to the front of me, smelling the salt in the air, and watching the sun darken my freckles as I write.
I want to hold onto this feeling.
The calm, the clarity, the slow pace.
I learned a lot while I was here.
A lot about the joy in the simple things, how much I love the sun, that I’m capable of more then I credit myself for.
That I’m stretched too thin with things that neither pay me or bring me lasting joy and satisfaction.
I went to the beach one last time today.
It was honestly too cold to be laying out.
But, I’m stubborn so I did anyway.
Just as I sat up to put my jersey back over my bathing suit a sweet pup named Haley came and cuddled with me.
Her owner let me feed her a cucumber and we chatted for a moment.
I believe to be here alone, to be unseen and unnoticed.
But, I’m remembering these moments.
Tiny snippets of interaction that serve as reminders that I’m not invisible.
That no matter how hard I try to escape being seen It’s a wasted effort.
I want to see others so purely.
To know the depths of their hearts and what brings them both joy and pain.
I met a man named Charlie last night.
We sat at the bar together and he stared at me.
He said, “You are very pretty. But, I’m sure you get that all the time.”
I responded, “I think all women get that all the time.”
He paused as if to make sure he gave an honest response back and calmly replied, “No, I don’t think they do.”
Charlie owns a construction company and has what I counted to be 6 rescued dogs.
He’s lived on the island for years and seemed uninterested in talking about where he’d been before that.
He bought me a bourbon and himself a shot of Patron before giving me a hug and going on his way.
These are the moments that compile my life.
The little interactions that allow me into a small place in someone else’s existence.
These are the things I’ve been running from.
But, they’re also the things I live for.
Knowing other people, even for an instant, well that’s kind of the beautiful part of life.
While I may have gone to the beach to hide away, to explore my self, and to help guide my own path away from others.
I may just have walked away with the realization that I shouldn’t fight it.
That this connection with strangers, this deep curiosity for people may be the thing I should be running towards.
As long as we hunger to see and to hear everyone then it’s just a natural repercussion that people will see us in return.
I’ve been trying to hide lately.
To not allow myself the visibility that comes with that.
But, at the expense of experiencing other people I don’t think it’s worth it.