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Little Sarajane and her Perfect Set of Imperfections.

I’ve been feeling self-absorbed lately.
In a way that has me questioning everything.

I’ve started to worry that I’ve always just been the worst.
Like, deep down just a bad person.

I decided to ask my family to describe me as a child.
Was I a selfish brat?

I didn’t prompt them other then to tell me the good and bad qualities.
Their answers surprised me.

 

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My mom spoke of how people were drawn to me.
I can remember people stopping us in the grocery store and talking to me about my hair.
She talked to me about how I would feel strange about all of the attention.

She talked about my bad qualities.
How I would never speak up when things didn’t feel good to me.
I would just let people do their things and maneuver myself around them.

She talked about how I’d hold myself to unrealistic standards and get so stressed out even as a kid because I couldn’t meet my own expectations.

My brother’s both talked about how much I loved to explore.
That I would follow around my brother Lee and his friends. {whether this is a good or bad quality is a matter of opinion. 😉 }

My brother, Alvin said that I was like a cat, that when I wanted to be around people I would be, but, if I need to be alone I’d go off and do that too.

The surprise with their words was less about what they said. That all sounds about right.
It’s more about how that could easily be things they are saying to describe me now.

Easily.

It’s funny how you can do so much internal and external growth but remain the same as you were when you were a child.
It’s fascinating and kind of relieving to think that no matter what I do to change myself, I will always be that little redheaded girl running around barefoot and fighting pretend werewolves with her big brothers.

I will always be Sarajane.

The good, the bad, and the perfectly flawed.

with love,

Sarajane.

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