I’ve always had expectations for myself, I require a lot for my existence. It’s important for me to wake up early, to write everyday to eat a balanced diet, to move my body, to challenge my mind, to work hard at my career, to pursue art and to travel the world.
I guess I just don’t have what it takes to not pull as much out of this life as possible.
I want it all.
All of the things that are important to me I guess. We all have our own set of priorities and I don’t find anything wrong with being different. In fact, it’s quite delightful to engage with people who are different than myself.
But, I’ve spent a lot of my life pretending that I’m less.
Attempting to seem less serious, less driven, less focused.
Someone said to me once that I have two parts to my personality. One part being a strong, powerful person who is capable of being good at everything that I do. Then, the other part of me which exists as my way of saying, “don’t take me too seriously though!”
That has stayed with me since they said it. I never want anyone to feel like I have opinions for their existence. So, I often make myself seem more frivolous as a way to ease them.
I think middle school taught me that.
Just a couple of ‘mean girls’ and I learned how quickly living your life unapologetically could backfire.
I took away that it’s always important to appear non-threatening.
AKA – make self-depricating jokes in the shadow of your largest accomplishments.
I’d never hope that for another, so why do I place this on myself? Where do we learn to cater to the emotions of others?
If I were talking to you, I’d say to never make yourself smaller for anyone. Never hide your accomplishments and live with the fervor that you were born to live with.
It’s probably time for me to speak it back into myself.
with love and a life well lived,