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How To Be Sexy. {Asheville, NC Boudoir Photographer}

Recently, I stumbled across an article called “How to be Sexy.” It was filled with tips like “wear make-up,”  “show cleavage, but not too much,”  or “make your hair as shiny as possible!” This article left an icky feeling in my stomach. While I do think there’s a certain kind of sex appeal within those tips, I am not convinced that’s what truly sexy people are doing. Media and our culture have a way of presenting ‘sexy.’ A Clean-cut, polished, big-boobed, tiny-waisted version. But, often I interact with someone who doesn’t fit that stereotype. Yet, they exude sexuality.

Their sexiness comes from a rooted place. Something deep within them that breathes sensuality. These aren’t the sort of people you want to hook up with in a brief way. These are the people you want to spend the entire day in bed with. You want to absorb them and allow them to absorb you.

This got me to thinking. What makes these people different? What are the qualities they possess that make you insatiable when you’re around them?

Below are the top 8 qualities that I believe truly sexy people possess:

M (1 of 1)

1. Confidence.

I realize that none of you are surprised to see this on the list. But, it should be addressed that I’m talking specifically about a quiet confidence. Someone who doesn’t feel the need to draw attention or seek approval. Rather, these people are simply just secure in their own existence whether you acknowledge it or not. Along with this comes the ability to laugh at themselves. Which I believe is one of the most charming and magnetic qualities a person could possess.

2. Eye Contact.

They aren’t afraid to really ‘see’ you or be ‘seen’ by you. They often make direct eye contact and truly listen to everything you have to say. They don’t shy away from connection.

3. They Move Slowly.

Not rushed or anxious in their movements. They approach life with pleasure and are purposeful in their actions.

4. They Do it for Themselves. 

Being sexy for the delight of others is easy. It’s expected. But, truly innately sexual people are sexy for themselves. They delight in the small things. They gain pleasure from sights, sounds, smells, and they wear sexy underwear even if no one is going to see it. Just because they like the way it makes them feel.

5. They are Non-Judgemental.

Truly sensual people create a space that makes you feel completely safe to be the truest version of yourself. They don’t criticize different ideas or appearances. They value and enjoy a wide-range of people and types. The sexiest people make you feel like the sexiest person. Thus igniting your deep sexual being and making you want to express that to and with them. Have you ever been around someone who criticized another’s clothes or appearance? That’s the last person you want to open yourself up to. Not only does it reveal their lack of confidence {see #1} but it also proves that they would just as quickly pick you apart if given the chance.

6. They are Natural. 

Not in an aesthetic sense necessarily, but, in the ease of which they approach people and life. Everything they do feels organic and fluid.

7. They’re Vocal and Upfront. 

They don’t play games. You know exactly where you stand with them and how they feel about you. You can react to them with confidence that they are digging what you’re offering and thus you can let your walls down and get open with them.

8. Positivity.

Finally, there’s something about a positive person. If you are able to approach and react to situations with a positive attitude people are going to  be drawn to you. Being the sort of person who allows the world to beat them up or wallows in a sea of self-pity. Well, frankly, that’s the quickest way to send people running. Truly sexy people value life for the good and the bad. They live in a way that breathes out positivity and drive. This pulls people into them and creates a sort of human magnet.

What are your thoughts? Any characteristics you think should have made the list?

Check back on Monday when guest blogger David Eaton gives a male perspective on the same idea!

with love and sex-appeal,




Shanti Hoffman - January 17, 2014 - 6:48 pm

Very astute and right on darling! You are so wise!

Jessica Hedrick - January 17, 2014 - 8:20 pm

Beautifully said. Thanks for the reminder!!

Cate Nunez Scales - January 17, 2014 - 9:26 pm

Fabulous… just like you Sarajane!

Sam Hays - January 18, 2014 - 1:44 pm

Word is born.

Sherry Kincaid Barlow - January 18, 2014 - 5:34 pm

great advise to practice..

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