Josh and I worked and lived together in Chicago approximately a million years ago. He’s one of the single loveliest people that I’ve ever known. He has a heart that stretches far beyond the capacity of mine and a tenderness that is pretty bad ass. He writes regularly on his blog Southern Belly and you should immediately head over there and hit the subscribe button. He’s a beautiful soul that I am so so pleased to have co-existed with on this planet! Without keeping you further, thank you thank you Josh for taking the time to write for us! You are so very much appreciated.
Bringing Sexy Back
By: Josh Casper
I must admit: I do not feel like a very sexy person.
I submitted to my balding head when I was only 24. I’m not sure why it all happened
so fast. Perhaps genetics. Both of my grandfathers were bald, and I guess we get it
from them. My dad has more hair than me. Old men have more hair than me.
That can be hard to swallow.
When Sarajane asked me to write a piece for her blog, I started to think about what
she sees in people. At times, I am so inspired as to how she views clients, friends,
and family through her lens, both metaphorical and physical.
I take all of this deep down, as one does when given the time to introspect.
Being near the tail-end of a divorce does not make me feel any more attractive than
having a bit of a belly and balding head. A nice, balding head though, so some have
I cook for a living. And in some ways, that looks like a dead end to the female kind.
But for me, I am drawn to it. I think it’s sexy as hell. Especially where I live, cooks are
looked on as being sort of badass. I can get with that. It is a passion driven industry.
It gets hot. People get frustrated. Things…happen.
In marriage, I felt sexy. I cooked mostly every day. I was a good partner. Sex was this
rad and dependable way to connect. There’s something to be said about learning
what another person likes. How they like to be touched and warm and held. (Or
whatever it is you want…)
I suppose we all think we’re great at sex, right? I’ve lived around enough dudes who
think they are God’s gift to women (and other men). I suppose if they’re confident,
more power to them. But seriously yo, take a knee for a second.
I do know, however, it is always about connection. Whether you are with a friend or
partner, it is important to connect.
When I see Sarajane’s blog, and what I feel deeply from what she does, is her ability
to make people feel sexy. Because it really is important.
Less so, to some, I imagine as this world is not black and white, but extremely gray.
And how she makes people feel sexy is not necessarily a body image, though often
times that is what draws us in.
People feel sexy when they are empowered by love.
None of these things have to do with your body.
Not even my little bald head. Even though I am thankful enough to cover it in the
winter months and have a few moments when I look in the mirror and say, “Dude,
you’re not half bad!”
But alas, I am dramatic these days. Not so much in a high-drama way, but as far as
saying what I feel needs to be said, I am all over it. And honestly, going bald is not
the end of the world. Far from it.
When those voices start flooding your brain, telling you that you aren’t this or that
enough, it’s okay to acknowledge them. But you don’t have to listen to them. I know
that’s hard. But my loves, you are far too precious than to believe what the world
lays on your shoulders.
This is why Sarajane inspires me. She didn’t tell me to write about her, and gave
me the freedom to go anywhere with this. I couldn’t stop thinking about it. And as a
person who writes, getting it out of my head was liberating.
I suppose I can only tell you so much. The rest is up to you.
What I can tell you is that having a bald head (or gut or weird feet) really doesn’t
matter in the depth of love.
What matters is that you feel safe.
What matters is that you connect and communicate what you need.
What matters is you.
And you… are sexy.